How to Know youʼre Winning at Parenting

People always complain that children donʼt come with a manual. Well, Iʼm going to write that manual and become a billionaire and have cat beds made out of Donald Trumpʼs hair, and pay Richard Branson to fly my child to school.

In the meantime, I give you this simple list for you to check to see if youʼre doing things right.


At the end of the day, you have succeeded in keeping your child(ren) alive.



At the end of the day, said still alive child(ren) tell(s) you youʼre the best mama in the world



You can remember where most of your possessions and those of your child(ren) are.



You get more than three hours sleep in a row



You can find your car keys/hand bag/phone/remember where you work/the shops are most of the time



When you go shopping you donʼt leave the baby in the car park in the trolley seat



In the 34 minutes between finally getting the kid(s) to sleep and nodding off yourself you watch (a bit of) an episode of your favourite TV programme.

#downtime or should that be #downton?


Nobody calls social services to have your kid(s) taken away



Occasionally you actually feel like youʼre on top of things.



And finally,


Before going to bed you clean the house, prepare the next dayʼs lunches, brush the dog, whiten you teeth, meditate, and go for a run